"When the Lord creates a beautiful woman, the devil creates a new account."
Ambrose Gwyneth Pierce
He stroked her, and she felt a luxurious shock of hair, while only a few layers of silky strands remained on her head, and in some places bald areas were visible. His fingers slid over her skin, and she felt hard, cold, silky skin while she was covered in cuts. She spent such nights with him, with her tormentor and teacher, the spy of her night dreams, those who introduced themselves to THEM.
There was no longer fear in her, she obsequiously looked into his eyes when he came, but she was still afraid of a terrible fate – to become a prisoner of terrible torture after death.
The hardest thing was not even to refuse these meetings – the hardest thing was not to believe.
When you fly into the abyss, and someone saves you, you begin to believe this person, or this POWER – to the end. And it all started some six years ago. Perhaps even earlier she had sensed his presence, but she still could not remember what it was like. It was like small jolts when some hitherto unknown force persuaded you to do otherwise. But six years ago he showed himself: his hand with incredible force penetrated into her stomach and turned everything upside down. All my life, then tantrums, fights, marginal antics, and finally, the hospital. No one could explain the reasons for her illusions and hallucinations. Although she knew it was real.
The sin of connecting with an unknown creature, which is probably the bearer of dark forces, haunted her, but HE promised to save her. And why did she need to be saved?
She could never make the right decision. Everything she did was constantly wrong, her unpretentious tastes turned into gigantic ambitions, and the "just cause" turned into another delirium.
She would really like to live without the help of dark forces, but God was far away and left the right to choose, and this was absolutely impossible for her. He called her "my Devil", promised to make her the princess of darkness, his wife and concubine, but there was always a catch in all this. Carolina went to God: without giving up the hope of finding a way to “His house,” she found time to go to the same church, to the same Father, and confess. She did not say that she was talking to HIM. She simply told that she heard a voice, insisted that she knew that it was from the evil one, and repented that she could not stop it. Father always guided her, but did not consider her soul to be hopeless. Lost – yes, but hopeless – no.